Early in my career at Unilever Hungary, I was riding the wave of rapid market growth and career acceleration. I’d just been promoted to brand manager—a dream role for any ambitious marketer—when I discovered I was pregnant.
At the time, career progression was swift, but so was the learning curve. My boss, well-meaning but pragmatic, worried that my leave would be the end of a promising (and short) career. Still, I chose to take the full maternity leave available in Hungary—three years at home, supported by state benefits. It was the norm: few nurseries, and a strong societal belief that children were best raised at home until preschool.
Looking back, I have no regrets about stepping away for 4.5 years. Yes, there was a price. When I returned, I was paid the same salary, but not given my old position. I started as an assistant to a colleague who’d joined after me. Thanks to her graciousness and my determination, I was promoted back to brand manager within three months. But that outcome was never guaranteed.
What did I learn during those years at home? More than I could have imagined—especially about leadership.
1. Your Actions Speak Louder Than Words
Someone is always watching. As a parent, I learned that what I do matters more than what I say. Integrity means aligning your actions with your words—consistently. Your team looks at you for cues on what’s truly valued and acceptable. Integrity is the foundation of trust, it sets the cultural tone in your team, and creates resilience in critical moments. When challenges arise, a track record of honesty and consistency gives both your team and your boss confidence in your leadership.
Bottom line: Leadership isn’t just about setting rules or making statements—it’s about living your values, every day, in ways both big and small. That’s how you inspire trust and set a standard others want to follow.
2. Clear Is Kind: Aligning Expectations, Not Just Managing Them
When my son was two, “You promised!” became his favourite phrase. It was a daily reminder that clarity matters—what I said, and what he heard, needed to match. This lesson has shaped my leadership style: it’s not about making fewer promises to play it safe, but about making sure every commitment is clearly communicated and truly understood.
As Brené Brown says, “Clear is kind.” In leadership, this means being explicit about what you will do, what you won’t, and why. It’s about having open conversations to ensure that your intentions, your words, and others’ expectations are fully aligned. When everyone is on the same page, trust grows and misunderstandings shrink.
Instead of simply managing expectations, great leaders actively align them—inviting questions, clarifying details, and updating commitments as things change. This approach builds a culture of trust and reliability, where people know they can count on you to do what you say, and to communicate openly if circumstances shift.
3. Distinguish Between Emotional and Rational Responses
Tantrums taught me that not every reaction is logical. Sometimes, emotions signal deeper issues. As a leader, it’s crucial to recognize when someone’s response is emotional, and to address the underlying concern—not just the surface behaviour.
4. Learning Happens Through Real Mistakes
As a parent, I learned that sometimes you have to let your children take risks—even if it means they might fall and get hurt while learning to ride a bike. You can’t (and shouldn’t) prevent every scraped knee or bruised ego. The same is true in leadership: people need the freedom to make mistakes, even if those mistakes cost time or money. Over-protecting or controlling every outcome stifles learning and innovation. Some of the most valuable lessons—at home and at work—come from mistakes that are felt, not just observed. Our role isn’t to eliminate all risk, but to create an environment where mistakes are seen as opportunities to learn, not as failures to be avoided at all costs. This is how resilience, creativity, and true expertise are built. This philosophy is echoed in the well-known tech mantra, “move fast and break things.” Originally, this phrase was about encouraging rapid learning and experimentation, not about being reckless or ignoring consequences. It was a call to prioritize progress and learning over perfection, especially in fast-moving environments. As organizations grow, it becomes even more important to balance speed and innovation with responsibility and thoughtful boundaries.
5. Boundaries, Responsibility, and the Wisdom to Adapt the Rules
It’s impossible to play a game—especially a board game—without first knowing the rules. The rules create structure, fairness, and a shared understanding for everyone involved. But once you’ve mastered the basics, you can start to adapt the rules: maybe you make the game more challenging, or tweak it so younger kids can join in and enjoy it too. The same is true at work. Ground rules and guidelines are essential for coordination and safety, but real growth comes when people understand not just the “how,” but the “why” behind the rules. With that understanding, individuals can exercise judgment—knowing when to follow the rules, when to adapt them, and when to challenge them for the right reasons. Leadership isn’t about rigid control, but about creating an environment where people are trusted to use their expertise, creativity, and responsibility to move the team forward.
Final Thoughts:
Taking a career break to raise my children didn’t derail my career—it made me a better leader. The lessons I learned at home have shaped my approach to leadership: lead by example, keep your promises, understand emotions, let others learn, and set clear boundaries (and know when to adapt them). Whether at home or in the boardroom, these principles build trust, foster growth, and create lasting impact.
What about you?
What’s one lesson from outside of work that’s shaped your leadership style? Share your story or insight in the comments—I’d love to learn from your experiences!
